• The Short Essay

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Fri Sep 25 00:05:59 2020
    A creative writing class was asked to write a
    concise essay containing these four elements:

    1) religion
    2) royalty
    3) sex
    4) suspense

    The prize-winning essay read:

    "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

    --Unknown..
    --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Wed May 26 10:09:33 2021
    The prize-winning essay read:

    "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

    Oh, she knew alright!

    more essay writing talent:

    This is an actual essay written by a college applicant.
    The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.



    3A. ESSAY
    IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE
    REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

    I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
    been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

    I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
    bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

    Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended
    a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
    I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

    I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been
    caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My
    deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

    I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I
    once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and
    still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed
    several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep,
    I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of
    physics do not apply to me.

    I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
    weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago
    I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I
    breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

    But I have not yet gone to college.

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to George Pope on Wed May 26 22:06:00 2021
    George,

    "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

    Oh, she knew alright!

    more essay writing talent:

    This is an actual essay written by a college applicant.
    The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

    <SNIP!>

    Multi-talented??

    But I have not yet gone to college.

    I wonder if he's a perpetual student??

    Daryl

    ... Golfers are constantly engaged in fore play.
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)