• A Day Off

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Thu Jul 16 00:06:13 2020
    So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you're asking for.

    There are 365 days per year available for work.

    There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per
    week, leaving 261 days available for work.

    Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up
    170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

    You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break; that accounts for 23
    days a year, leaving only 68 days available.

    With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

    You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave; this leaves you only
    20 days available for work.

    We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is
    down to 15 days.

    We generously give you 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only
    1 day available for work, and I'll be darned if you're going to take
    that day off!!
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  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to George Pope on Fri Aug 6 16:38:00 2021
    George,

    I said "I quit"; my boss said I needed to give two weeks, so I added,
    "In 2 weeks you're going to notice I ain't been here for two weeks. BYEEEE!"

    LOL!! Some places seem to "require" 2 weeks notice before you die, and
    you can't die if your work, and training the replacement isn't done. What
    are they going to do?? Sue The Good Lord for wrongful death??

    This comes to mind -- A Day Off Work:

    **

    So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you're asking for.

    There are 365 days per year available for work.

    There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per
    week, leaving 261 days available for work.

    Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up
    170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

    You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break; that accounts for 23
    days a year, leaving only 68 days available.

    With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

    You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave; this leaves you only
    20 days available for work.

    We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is
    down to 15 days.

    We generously give you 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only
    1 day available for work, and I'll be darned if you're going to take
    that day off!!

    **

    If he complains you were supposed to be at work, just reply, "I can't handle this hostile work environment, with these mixed messages, I'm-a going to require six weeks' severence pay."

    Why just stop at six weeks?? <G>

    The barbershop quartet group, Lunch Break, did a deal at Carnegie Hall, with Old MacDonald Had A Deformed Farm.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea2WYe-sTFE

    Funny!

    Not sure which was the funniest critter in the batch...but, I'm leaning toward the lactose intolerant cow, and the narcoleptic pig...never mind the...SQUIRREL!! <BG>

    ... Newspaper Headline: "Include Your Children when baking cookies."

    Why not? It almost worked for the old hag, trying to cook Johnny &
    Grace (Anglicization for "Hansel und Gretel"), after fattening the two little gluttonous thieves nicely. . .

    Well, they weren't malnourished anymore. :P

    The World's Shortest Fairy Tale
    Once Upon A Time....

    A guy asked a girl to marry him.

    She said, "No"

    And the guy lived happily ever after, fishing, hunting, riding motorcycles, skiing, gambling, had loads of money in the bank, played a lot of golf, and left the seat up.

    THE END.

    Really. That's what is was for me before I got married. <G>

    My ex made my life like a fairy tale.
    Grimm.

    I guess you wouldn't let her Mother Goose you. <G>

    I hear there's a fairy tale princess who actually knows quite a few dad jokes.
    It's RaPUNzel.

    And now, for "The Rest Of The Story"...

    **

    The "Puniest of Show" winner at the 23rd Annual O. Henry Punoff May 7th
    in Austin was a runaway for Tiffany Wimberley who scored 38 points (out
    of 40 possible) 2nd and 3rd places received 34 and 32 points respectively.

    Here is Tiff's winning routine:

    Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen

    I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM. When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a
    tower. I was STRANDed at my SPLITS END truly a damsel in THESE
    TRESSES! The queen thought it was a PERMANENT SOLUTION but, day after
    day, knight after knight would try to climb the tower which was so tall
    the FOLLICLE you! They would climb my braid and if they weren't that
    handsome I would give them the BRUSH off! Gee, I wonder if that's where I
    got my reputation for being such a big TEASE. One day, a handsome
    knight named Prince Latherrinse tried to rescue me. He was HEAD &
    SHOULDERS above the rest. I said: "COMB and SHAVE me!" The queen
    found out about it and cut off my hair. And let me tell you Hell hath no
    fury as a woman SHORNED! She'll have Hell TOUPEE because I am not
    someone to TANGLE with. Prince Latherrinse WISPed me away and we got
    married and had twins but, we didn't live happily ever after because he
    placed too many CONDITIONERS on our marriage which was really CRIMPING
    my STYLE. So, we PARTED ways and a custody battle ensued. It came down
    to SPLITTING HAIRS (heirs) so he took one twin and I took the other.
    So, now I don't date princes anymore because I don't want a LATHER RINSE
    REPEAT (read the shampoo label). And I've gotten back to my ROOTS by
    changing my hair from blonde to brown and this new color is to DYE for
    after all, brunettes have more pun. Well, that's the long and short of
    my HAIRY tale story. I bid you all a 'DO!

    **

    My little girl asked me today, "Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with ''Once upon a time?''"
    I replied, "No honey, some of them begin with ''If I’m elected.''"

    You hit the nail on the head.

    Dad: wanna hear the shortest fairy tale ever?
    Son: sure
    Dad: Man asks woman to marry him. Woman says no. They lived happily
    ever after.

    I like the one from "Kids Say The Darndest Things" from Art Linkletter.
    This cute young girl said she wanted to get married, and have a bunch of
    kids. Art asked her what she wanted to be, and the girl replied "A nun"!!
    The look on Art's face was absolutely priceless!! <G>

    The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and
    candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
    This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.

    Sadly, there was actually a case of that in Arkansas recently.

    https://katv.com/news/local/judge-rules-arkansas-mom-to-serve-4-years- probation-in-alleged-case-of-munchausen-by-proxy

    (above URL all on one line)

    Daryl

    ... "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" -Edgar Bergen
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
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  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Sun Aug 8 21:52:17 2021
    LOL!! Some places seem to "require" 2 weeks notice before you die, and
    you can't die if your work, and training the replacement isn't done. What are they going to do?? Sue The Good Lord for wrongful death??

    They can, technically, withhold your last pay for not giving notice, no
    excuses accepted. Public outcry has pretty much ended this now, I
    think(hope). . .

    This comes to mind -- A Day Off Work:
    **
    So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you're asking for.

    [ ..sniperoo.. ]
    We generously give you 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only
    1 day available for work, and I'll be darned if you're going to take
    that day off!!

    *LOL*
    The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
    This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.

    Sadly, there was actually a case of that in Arkansas recently.

    https://katv.com/news/local/judge-rules-arkansas-mom-to-serve-4-years- probation-in-alleged-case-of-munchausen-by-proxy

    (above URL all on one line)

    I sawt his note after I tried opening just the one line that was showing as a clickable link (was 404, of course)

    I use tintyrl to stop that URL splitting:
    https://tinyurl.com/53euufh5 (this is your same link)

    Seems more sad & in need of psychiatric help than criminal to me. . .

    Two factory workers talking:

    Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
    Man: “And how would you do that?”
    Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

    Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
    Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
    Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need
    to take the day off.”

    The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”
    The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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