A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade, and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him, and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"
Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

Me, too, Mr. Principal, me, too!

A nun was on an airplane, on a flight to Rome, as she was being transferred to the Vatican for her constant piety and purity.

To keep occupied, she was doing crosswords. She tapped the gentleman ahead of her on the shoulder to ask, "What's a 4 letter word for 'woman' that ends in U- N-T?"

He ponfders for a moment and answers, "AUNT, sister."

She ponders a second before asking him, "Do you have an eraser I may borrow, please?"

DISCLAIMER: I've met some really nice nuns! Committed women; committed to doing God's work even if their calling shuld lead them to live as Mother Teresa.

I offered them water on a hot day when they were visiting & they refused saying their order has a rule to nevert accept anbything from another's home, because waster mat be freely available here, but in India someone could offer water even if it was water they needed to survive.

Can't argue with nor criticize that kind of self-control & motivaton. . .

Lovely ladies, indeed. I blessed them as tyhey were starting out on a 5-mile walk(they never used Transit nor cars--also an Order law) to their next destination, carrying heavy wool blankets to give to those with AIDS, who feel the chills more than uninfected people do.

I joke about the Catholic religion, but I don't mean any of it. . .

for those in it who are not sincere, I leave that up to God & His Spirit to correct+teach them.

but their idiosycracies & stereotypes do make for good humour fodder,. all in good fun, of course!

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin mobile.

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A Roamin' Catholic

I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

&, in case there are Catholics reading this, a bit from the other side:

Most protestants are dog people
...they don't like cat licks.

A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"

I drove by two First Baptist Churches today.
One of them is lying

A son asks his father for a new car for his birthday...
Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.

Father: Well son, I’ll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, I’ll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your long hair.

A FEW MONTHS PASS

Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and I’ve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?

Father: I did notice you got straight A’s on your report card and I’ve seen you at church every Sunday. But you didn’t cut you hair. I told you to cut your hair.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

Me, too, Mr. Principal, me, too!

I wonder how many ladies were in the same boat. <G>

She ponders a second before asking him, "Do you have an eraser I may borrow, please?"

When I erase the stuff with the eraser, where does it go??

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A Roamin' Catholic

I wonder if they fall asleep during Mass. I think of the joke where this
guy is sleeping in church, and snoring. His wife repeatedly nudges him,
trying to wake him up. Finally, she hits him so hard, that it knocks him
out of the pew into the aisle. When asked if he was OK, he replied "Hit
me again. I can still hear him". <G>

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

Not sure what the Costello is.

&, in case there are Catholics reading this, a bit from the other side:

I drove by two First Baptist Churches today.
One of them is lying

I've heard of a First, Second, Third, and Fourth Baptist Church...but I
don't recall of it going further. I guess it was for the number of those churches in town.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

Never mind the disciples came in One Accord.

Daryl

... Bar Exam: How much tequila you can drink before you hit the floor.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

Me, too, Mr. Principal, me, too!

I wonder how many ladies were in the same boat. <G>

Ladies or "ladies"? *G*

When I erase the stuff with the eraser, where does it go??

The same place your lap goes when you stand up?
The same place your fist goes when you open your hand?

I wonder if they fall asleep during Mass. I think of the joke where this guy is sleeping in church, and snoring. His wife repeatedly nudges him, trying to wake him up. Finally, she hits him so hard, that it knocks him
out of the pew into the aisle. When asked if he was OK, he replied "Hit
me again. I can still hear him". <G>

The one I herd aboput was this old couple in church, Grandpa snoring a little, Grandma pokes him with her hatpin, jusat as the preacher asked, "& Who is it that gives us life?" as he in pain, shouts, "GOOD GOD!!!"

Yes, sir, Mr. Barnsworth," says the preacher, "& I love your enthusiasm."

Later, he's dozing again & gets jabbed just as the pastpr asked what is the one & onlyway to Heaven. . .

"JESUS CHRIST!" he shouts, again in pain. Grandma is smug beside him.

"Very good," says the preacher, "I'm surpriseed, as you're not one of our most regular members, but I'm glad you're here & so filled with enthusiasm for the Lord's Word."

With grandma glarring, he tried his best to stay awake, butt he pastr's droninig delivery style eventually won overe. Something in him woke him just in time to grab the hatpin before it descended again, just as the pastor was asking, "& what do you supose Eve's first words to Adam were?"

Angry Grandpa addressed his wife, loud enough for all to hear, "If you stick that horrible thing in me again, I'll snap it in half!"

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

Not sure what the Costello is.

&, in case there are Catholics reading this, a bit from the other side:

I drove by two First Baptist Churches today.
One of them is lying

I've heard of a First, Second, Third, and Fourth Baptist Church...but I don't recall of it going further. I guess it was for the number of those churches in town.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

Never mind the disciples came in One Accord.

Daryl

... Bar Exam: How much tequila you can drink before you hit the floor.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Ladies or "ladies"? *G*

Either way. I've known women who cussed so bad that they'd make a sailor blush.

When I erase the stuff with the eraser, where does it go??

The same place your lap goes when you stand up?
The same place your fist goes when you open your hand?

Details, details. <G>

Angry Grandpa addressed his wife, loud enough for all to hear, "If you stick that horrible thing in me again, I'll snap it in half!"

The honeymoon is over. <G>

Daryl

... May all your children be born naked.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

Ladies or "ladies"? *G*

Either way. I've known women who cussed so bad that they'd make a sailor blush.

Yup, been there; as a teen, in hospital, there was an older woman who cussed like a stevedor. One day she swears at me becauyse I'm supposed to stand when a lady enters the room.

I looked her up & down & said, "I always do."

Oooo, sje swore a nrew blue streak on that one -- well at least she had language comprehension. . .

When I erase the stuff with the eraser, where does it go??

The same place your lap goes when you stand up?
The same place your fist goes when you open your hand?

Details, details. <G>

You know it!

Angry Grandpa addressed his wife, loud enough for all to hear, "If you stick that horrible thing in me again, I'll snap it in half!"

The honeymoon is over. <G>

It's got to end some time. . .

After all, it's defined as a limited period of time!

Q: Have you ever had a honeymoon salad?
A: Lettuce alone, no dressing.

It's the morning after the honeymoon
Wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover."

The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)